The Helm

Our state-of-the-art navigation system relies heavily on the ancient art of reading cloud shapes and following particularly motivated seagulls. The ship’s wheel, a magnificent piece of mahogany that squeaks exactly like a dolphin’s laugh, is primarily used as an excellent coat hanger during peaceful voyages.

The real steering happens through our patented “Serendipitous Navigation System™” – we simply convince the ocean currents they’re flowing in the wrong direction through sophisticated reverse psychology. Our success rate of reaching intended destinations is a proud 12%, though we’ve discovered fourteen previously unknown islands and one mysterious floating coffee shop in the process.